I know I wasn't the best to you when you treated me and prioritized me above everything else. I haven't been the most faithful to you. I haven't treated you the way you deserve to be treated. And I'm sorry. No, this is not me wanting you back. This is me apologizing for every single shit you felt and got because of me. I don't deserve you. Because you deserve the best. You deserve someone who'll treat you with respect, love you more than you love him and most of all, doesn't abuse your trust.
I know I've taken advantage of your trust time and again. I'm sorry. I can't help but feel remorse. Of all people, I've hurt you the most. But you still came back despite those times. And yet I still failed to treasure you. I deserve this loneliness and emptiness. But at least, it keeps me at peace knowing that you're better off and that you'll be happier without me. I know that for sure. You were the only one who cared that much but I was too blind to realize that.
I doubt I'll be able to ever let go. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. You changed me to be a better person. And I'm sorry for all the hurt. I will never expect your forgiveness because what I did is way worse than a monster. But I know, that you're the strongest girl. And the hatred you have for me, will make it easier for you to move on.
My only wish for you, is to be the happiest girl on earth. And to forget me.
I love you. Forever and always.
The very moment you gave the ring back and walked away, reality sank in. And it feels like Daddy and Odah all over again.
30 December 2011.
I need you, but I'm not gonna be selfish and hold you back. I'll never be the same. I won't be myself anymore. Because you're the only thing in this world, I would die without. And you left. I won't promise I'll be okay, or be the person I used to be.