plain confused
1:32 AM - Tuesday, January 31, 2012
I don't get it now. How am I pretending to be someone else or acting like someone I wanna be? I'm being me. Just me.
drama serial.
11:35 PM - Sunday, January 29, 2012
Firstly, I started talking to you in the nicest way possible. You had to reply in that bitch way you do with the words you PURPOSELY use that you know I don't like. For sarcasm? For extra hurting effects? Okaycan.
You were the one who started off talking rudely and there you are talking about how I have no rights to talk to you in whatever way and that I am in no position to? YES, I AM STILL EFFING SORRY FOR WHAT I DID TO YOU. But you took it too far the moment you KEPT replying that way. I KNOW I AM WRONG but I don't think I actually deserve to be like a dog to you and accept all your sarcastic and bitchy replies every single time?
I get it you're still pissed. But I never sounded conceited or expected you to even forgive me. I JUST EXPECTED A REPLY LIKE "Oh okay." EVEN A FREAKING "K." is fine. I swear. But no... You just wanna bitch-fight. For I dunno what reason. Seriously, do you think I am so free that I want to fight with you every time? Trust me, I wanna stay as far away from you because I know how talking to you will ruin your mood. I just had a simple request. DAMMIT.
And sup with "YOUR STANDARD" or "YOUR LEVEL"? Wtshit. Maybe you should stop using the same reason of me cheating on you to talk to me in this bitch way because I think it's getting old. I know I was wrong. But the way you talk to me is a bit too far? I didn't make a big deal out of it, YOU DID. And no, I don't see how asking for cards makes me pathetic. You using the same reason again and again, using words for NOT ITS ACTUAL MEANING and replying like a bitch actually makes you the pathetic one.
Yeap. Harsh. But whatever. Just get over it. I'm just asking for cards. Was all that shit necessary? Like how you can ask back for your capo? I replied okay. Did I create a stupid fight? No.
Just meet him already. So you can have nothing to do with me. I won't ever disturb or come into your life after that. I give you my word.
the pain.
11:28 PM - Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Yeah I get it you hate me, but must everything you say/tweet/text/blog have SPIKES? I get it that I hurt you but I never thought highly of myself? I don't even get why you even think that way. It pisses me off that you're constantly ranting/scolding me indirectly even if I tweet something. I admit, I know it is me. But yeah I'm not a robot. I have feelings too. I know I've hurt yours but you're just pissed but I am feeling more than one bad feeling. Just forget about me so you'd finally be happy and not be bitchy to every thing that happens.
I don't know what to feel
4:31 AM - Monday, January 2, 2012
Yeah as the title says. I'm clueless. I put on a fake front when everyone else is around but when I'm alone, everything comes crashing in. I wake up in the morning feeling empty. Realizing that you're no longer mine. That you're better off.
I wanna be so pissed that... You managed to hide everything from me. You pretended everything was okay. According to you, you said that you knew way before my birthday. My birthday, christmas... You pretended that you still loved me. You had so much time to let go of me. And yet... You decided to do this to me just before the new year. I don't know what to feel. You could've left me earlier. But why 30th of December?
You gave me the false hopes that you were gonna be there with me till 2012. You gave me hopes that I'd be able to hold you in my arms tight and wish you a happy new year and that no matter what, I'm just more than happy that you're still here and that you're still mine. And that I love you. WHY? I really changed. I really did. Guess you took all those time to give up on me. I see that now.
And you texted me only to tell me to ask her to stop. You didn't bother asking how I was. You didn't say Hi. Nothing. Just a cold text. This is where you're EXACTLY like her. The same thing both of you did, was to talk/text me coldly. And you were the one who said that you wish nothing would change and we'd still be the bestest of friends even after we broke up. And look who's contradicting every statement now.
I only lied... Because I thought that once I made up for it, it'd be okay. Guess I was wrong. Even after I stopped lying, I really gave my heart all to you. But my lies tore you from seeing that. I have no one else to blame but myself.
I tear up every time I see anything that reminds me of you. The rings, the polaroids, pictures, gifts from you and even drawings. I tear up. I don't wanna be so weak. I really wanna be the old me now. The one who didn't care and didn't feel anything at all. I wouldn't have to feel this way now. I wouldn't be feeling so empty anymore.
I'm back to the old days. Where I don't see any point of doing anything good anymore.
Cigarettes and pills became my best friends.